New adventures. Traveling through Leukemia with a toddler.

Peace.
When the tragedies of life become choices
to hold or release. The burdens of the moment heavily ask
How do I proceed?
Release.
Let the Divine in me trust that
All is here now
to be.


2 years and 1 day ago
November 26th 2013 I wrote:

...She put on an emotional armor and charged through. I saw before my eyes what happens when kids have to deal with more than they should. When maturity comes in the moment of necessity.  I could not have been more proud, and I needed her....


I am sitting in my office this morning after coming home from the hospital... a bust of a trip. We found out that Isaac's counts are low but not low enough for a transfusion. I felt pretty frustrated by this.  I just wanted to give him something to make him feel better. They sent us home, which I know is a gift-but--- I naively had in my mind that we would get blood and he would bounce back a little.

Yesterday Christmas was wonderfully normal.  We shared breakfast and gifts in the morning at our house and then rested most of the afternoon. Tim smoked the turkey to take to Claire and Chris's (CCER) house for Christmas dinner. Anne and I laid on the couch and watched Little Women. Isaac was really puny but hung in there.  Dinner and gifts at CCER was also lovely.  More presents we have seen in years--- tons of toys!  I have so much to be thankful for. Mom and Wayne took care of all the preparations so that Tim and I had very little responsibilities except to focus on Isaac and Anne.

We found out a week ago that Tim will be going to Qatar next.  How do we navigate being a FAO family with Leukemia?  Suddenly exotic far away places need excellent health care. My little bedoon was born in the gulf, will he thrive there? It may take a year from now but we hope that the kids and I can join Tim when the time is right.

Qatar seems to be more culturally and artistically open than Kuwait. Just a simple search brought me to several english written websites for Dance.  Those that know of Damien Hirst's work will remember the sculpture the princess commissioned a few years ago.  Rather progressive... didn't end well though...

http://nyti.ms/1J3mp2J Damien Hirst's sculptures in Qatar

She is now sponsoring a women's and children's hospital called Sidra. When I looked through the site there is no pediatric oncology listed... so I looked at the Qatar Cancer Society... then the Hamad Medical Corporation....

Turkey. Ankara and Background

The Courtyard at Attaturk's Tomb in Ankara

Though not by any standard a Middle Eastern Country, Turkey plays in important role in my geographical region.  Turkey's population is over 90% Muslim.  Most people of the region spoke Arabic until the creation of modern Turkey after the defeat of the Ottoman Empire and subsequent events after WWI.  Turk's have an unassailable love and reverence for their founder Kemal Attaturk, who's legend cannot be overstated.  A singular historical figure, perhaps no other individual is more closely associated with the character of their country.  Attaturk made his military reputation repelling an Allied Invasion of the Dardanneles in WWI, when he disobeyed his higher command and maneuvered his battalion to a where he predicted the the Allied Forces would come ashore.  In 1923 Turkey became a secular republic with Attaturk as its first president and it capital moved from Istanbul to the remote plains town of Ankara.

Ankara was our first stop on our Turkey, our plan was to fly from Kuwait to Ankara via Istanbul, rent a car and make our way back West to Istanbul where we would drop the car at the airport and spend the next 5 nights in the city.  Our trip began auspiciously as we experienced a weather delay due to fog getting out of Kuwait, the first fog we've seen in our 4 months of living there.  Our original flight to the secondary airport in Istanbul was cancelled and we were placed on the flight going to the main Istanbul airport, Attaturk.  When we arrived, we had no idea as to the fate or our baggage.   The ticket agents were so helpful as to point out that in fact we weren't supposed to be in that particular airport...really?  Thanks.  Fortunately they booked us on the next flight into Ankara.

Unfortunately, our baggage didn't make it.  So, we filled out all of the paperwork, picked up our rental car and headed out into the rain.  After a few wrong turns, and about an hour in traffic, we finally pulled into our hotel.
The next day I had meetings for the better part of the day, where I was briefed on Turkey's economic situation (8-9% Growth last year), their internal politics (The current prime minister is pushing for constitutional reforms intended to strengthen the position of President, and decreasing the importance of his current position.  Many surmise that he is planning to pull a Putin and slide over into the presidency).  I learned about Turkey's relationship with the United States.  Turkey is the only country with a significant U.S. Military presence that we have never conquered nor rescued. Also, they consider what we did in Iraq the equivalent of us dropping the worlds largest dirty diaper in there back yard.  Additionally we learned about Turkey's bid to join the EU, (a lot of work to do, Austria, which repelled two Ottoman invasions, considers Turkey's EU bid just the latest attempt to invade), there relationship with Israel (strained officially, but still humming along economically).

Turkey straddles the line between Asia and Europe, and if you ask a Turk if they consider themselves Asian or European, they will undoubtedly tell you that they are neither, they are Turkish.

Although Ankara is by any measure a huge city (of all US Cities, only NYC has a larger population), unfortunately, our schedule only allowed us to spend a quick morning prior to heading to Cappadocia.  We drove over to Attaturk's tomb and museum which tells the story of his life, along with the story of the great battle of Gallipoli in WWI.  It put into perspective for us, his importance and the central role he plays in the psyche of the country.  I think if you rolled Washington, Lincoln, and a few Kennedys, MLK and Eisenhower into one individual, you would be on the right track.

Next, Cappdocia, land of Fairy Chimneys, hidden churches and hundreds of hot air balloons.

Bethlehem

We have been in Turkey now for 10 days and the energy it takes to blog has not been in our reserves.  We get to our next destination and Anne goes to bed. Tim and I say, we really should blog and then fall asleep.  We have stayed in the Western 1/3 of Turkey and yet have traveled 1500 miles.  It has been a great trip but our amount of downtime has dwindled. 

Anyway, it's 5am and I'm the only one awake so I figure I should blog! 

We have made it up to Bethlehem. How majestic and surreal. The Church of the Nativity was packed full of people. After driving in a big circle around Bethlehem trying to get a parking spot, Tim rolled down his window right in front of the church and speaking Arabic to the local gentlemen sitting watching the westerners file into the church asked, "can I park here?" The welcome shock of Arabic by a white non Arab gave us VIP parking right in front of the church. We have learned to build our Vitamin W!  This is Wasta, a form or favoritism built on relationships.  There is no equality or waiting your turn in the Middle East, you need to build your Wasta. Anne is an essential part of our Wasta building. My being Pregnant also helps. But Tim's bright blue eyes and eager smile while speaking Arabic well usually does the trick. 

So we parked right out in front and by the time we got to the entrance we heard that the wait was over 2 hours to get in.  We looked at each other.... Are we doing this?  Suddenly a tour angel appeared. 

"Behold,  Western looking Arabic speaking, adorable child and pregnant Mary" he said.

"I bring you glad tidings. I am an official tour guide, Mohamed. If you come with me you will not wait in line!"

Ok, we are seasoned enough to know how this goes... Tim's asks how much it will cost us? He said $150 Shekels.  We said yes.  So we marched right in. I had a bit of guilt. But, if Anne had to wait in line for 2 hours and it wasn't Cars Ride at Disneyland, we would not make it. 

The trick is that these tour guides take their small groups through the exits. So as the huge group files out of the different areas the small groups trickle in before the next big group. It's totally chaotic and we got shoved a lot. But, no wait. 

So the first place we went was the stable area in the basement. There is a beautiful star where Mary gave birth. Then is the Manger area.  It is so beautiful and sacred despite the pushing crowd.  

From there we saw the Orthodox Church, and the Roman Catholic Church. Then we left and went to the Christmas House to buy olive wood gifts.  This is where we saw the nativity scene with the wall between the Manger and the Persian Kings. 

Afterwards we walked up to the Milk Grotto where the stone in this church has turned to white where Mary nursed Jesus.  It was so powerful to see Anne light up here. She wanted to rub me with the white powder, as the story goes, the powder gives healing to women and children and well wishes to expectant mothers.  I was so emotional here. I turned to Tim who put white powder on my face and kissed me.  There are so many people in our lives who need healing and are praying for healthy babies to come to them. We feel so grateful and realize how hard it is for many many couples.  

While we were there we got packets of the Milk powder to give to  the people we are praying for. I can say that it has had an effect on our lives already. Even if it is merely the attention paid, the consciousness we have now, payers have been answered for at least one family in our lives!  Baby Veronica is home after 2 months in and out of the hospital. 

So, in the end. Bethlehem was magical and crowded - and heart wrenching to have to deal with the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. But it was so worth it. 

Now as Anne grows up she can remember what Bethlehem looks like and she can create a story that mixes the reality of the place with the mystical Christmas story as we decorate our house and sing Christmas Carols over the minarets blasting a call to prayer. 

god is god.  We are all the same. 

Since we are in Turkey and have been thinking so much about Sufism, I leave you this from Rumi

Listen with ears of tolerance! See through the eyes of compassion! Speak with the language of love. 

Israel: Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and Bethlehem.

The Temple Mount, probably the most contested piece of land in the world.

Crossing the Border

As I write this, I'm lying in bed in a cave in Cappadocia, Goreme Turkey to be exact, but I am surrounded by stone walls. Anne and I will awake early and go for a hot air balloon ride.  Then we will somehow celebrate Thanksgiving, here in Turkey, though I doubt we get the chance to eat any.  Its now been a couple of weeks since we were in Israel, and while some of the experience has faded, I still want to write about it.  We were told, just before we left for Jordan that driving to Israel had become impossible.  Apparantly the embassy in Amman was writing letters to the authorities on both sides of the border, authorizing the trip and requesting any assistance they could render.  I, after 10 days of touring Jordan, and contemplating the decision, ultimately decided that the worst that could happen is that we could get turned around at the border and then we would be right back were we started.  So, lying in bed, after midnight, I read through all of the requirements to cross, which had been send to me previously.  We awoke early and headed for the border crossing, located about 35KM NW of Amman.  The King Hussein bridge as it is known in Jordan and the West Bank, or the Allenby Bridge as it is known in Israel, spans the trickle of water, commonly known as the Jordan River.  A motley crew of Jordanian Officials man their side, and about 10KM to the West, across the river a crew of Israeli Officials keep watch on their side.  We drove out of Amman, and about 5KM from the border, stopped to switch the civilian plates on the vehicle over to Diplomatic Plates, exiting Jordan was no problem we simply showed them our passports, and vehicle registration and drove across the bridge.  Once we arrived to the first Israeli checkpoint, the tone changed, though not necessarily menacing, the guards there were certainly more serious about their responsibilities.  When we arrived in Jordan some 10 days earlier, I had dropped off my second passport with the Embassy, they in-turn sent it over to the Israeli embassy to receive a Visa.  This was the passport we would use to gain entry into Israel.  Normally the bridge is only used for cargo, and for Palestinians returning to the West Bank, but for Diplomats, or in my case, those with Diplomatic passports and license plates, it is one of the only places were a vehicle can be driven across.  Once we showed the proper paperwork, we were informed that Mary and Anne would go by taxi to the terminal, and I would stay with the vehicle.  We loaded all of our bags into the taxi/van and off they went.  I stayed with the vehicle and was escorted to the inspection area.  It was here that I truly realized the extent of the inspection that I and every other vehicle went through.  The vehicle was pulled into a garage, and the door was closed behind it, I was told to go into a room, and wait.  Eventually a serious looking inspector inspected me, along with my bag and then told me to just sit and wait.  While waiting I saw two shopping carts of car parts, to include what I identified as the battery, spare tire, and possible air filter housing, go past where I was sitting.  After about 30 minutes, they returned, the vehicle was put back together and I was free to go...to the next inspection point.  Here I simply received my entry stamp, purchased temporary insurance, and registration and waited for various officials to do whatever it was they were doing, finally I was finished and was reunited with Mary and Anne, who had managed to drag all of our luggage through inspections and had been waiting for nearly an hour. We departed the border crossing, and headed to Israel.  What a headache.

Tel Aviv

There isn't alot to say about Tel Aviv, it is a city, a modern western feeling city.  We ate tapas and drank wine, we went to the Modern Art Museum, we stayed in a hotel at the beach.  We saw 19 year old kids walking down the street with sub-machine guns, the club where 19 Jewish teen-age kids were killed by a suicide bomber, and the emergency shelters in every hotel.  I had really amazing meetings at the Embassy in Tel-Aviv and with members of the Israeli Defense Forces.  The Israelis have mastered the art of living and operating under constant threat of attack.  Some of this threat is real, some imagined, much of it brought on by their own actions.  I also met in Jerusalem with the director of USAID who manages millions of dollars in economic aid, all of it going to the West Bank.  I met with members of USSC Jerusalem who train and equip the Palestinian Authority, because someday if there is indeed a two state solution, it is in everyone's interest that it not implode in the first week.

A Satirical Take on the Nativity.  The Three Wise Men, Blocked By the Security Wall.

  

If two years ago you had asked me to define the Palestinian/ Israeli conflict, I don't' think I could have, not succinctly, but now, having seen both sides, and been briefed on the point of view of both sides, I understand it.  I wish there was an easy solution, but there isn't.  

Jerusalem

Jerusalem was never a city on my radar as a place I really wanted to visit.  Of course I know its significance to the three Abrahamic religions.  We were fortunate that my per diem allowed us to stay in a really nice place, just outside the walls of the Old City.  I had meetings for our first day, while Mary and Anne relaxed at the hotel and walked a bit in the city.  On the second day we walked into the old city stopping first at the Western Wall, 

what was originally simply a retaining wall, build by King Herod to elevate the temple mount, has been elevated in status to one of the most holy places for Jews.  The temple mount is  the site of the first two Jewish temples, the site of the Holiest of Holies, and currently the site of the Temple Dome, and the Al-Aqas (Arabic for greatest) Mosque.  After that we took the Western Wall Underground Tour, which was really amazing, as the area around the Temple Mount has been build up over the years, with cities built on top of cities, an entire world has been buried.  This tour took us under the Muslim Quarter, were we walked on what was originally a roman road, through a roman market.  We were able to see buried cisterns, as well as the foundation stones for the western wall, some as big as city buses.

We finished the day by walking with Via Dolorsa with Franciscan Friars who meet every friday to re-trace the path upon which the stations of the cross took place, almost 2,000 years ago.  Interestingly, most of this tokes place in the Muslim Quarter of the old city, which means that in some of the shops you can stop in and buy a rosary and a Quran, while under the watchful eye of  Jewish Soldier.

The tour ends in the Church of the Sepulcre, which is were is is though, that Jesus Died, was buried and arose.  You can touch the stone upon which his body was laid after he was taken from the cross.  Strangely, the church has been divided among some of the major sects of Christianity, and as a way to settle differences which arose in the early 20th century, a status-quo agreement was reached.  To this day there is a ladder leaning against a wall, which is visible in pictures from 100 years ago.  Also, a Muslim family maintains control of the keys to the Church, and each day locks and unlocks the door.

On the day we were to check out of the hotel, I took advantage of the opportunity to go up to the temple mount.  Our first day in the old city was a Friday, which meant that the temple mount was closed to Non-Muslims, so I was able to return on Sunday.  Unfortunately, you have to wait in a long line, show your passport, you are then subject to a thorough bag search to ensure you are not carrying religious materials.  Israli Jews are prohibited from entering the Temple Mount, though some do, in fact in recent months there have been arrests of Jews praying on the Temple Mount.

Jerusalem shed more light on the struggles of this sensitive region then reading any book, or trying to understand it from speeches from Abbas, or Netanyaho, or some member of AIPAC telling us what they think.  Our trip to Bethlehem opened more issues for us to try to understand.  I hope in the coming days I have a chance to write a bit about them, but I have to get up early for a balloon ride over cappadocia!!.  Enjoy some pictures.

Mary and Anne light a candle at the Church of St. Anne, the Mother of Mary.

We light 4 candles.  Three of us, plus one to grow on.

Koranic inscriptions on the Masjid Al Aqsa

Old Jaffa, Jerusalem

IDF Rocket Attack Drill

Taybeh Beer, brewed in Ramalla, Palestine

Best Falafel and Hummous in Bethlehmem

Crossing over.

We have been off line for awhile out of travel fatigue and an accumulation of not so perfect events. For nearly 2 weeks Tim and I have discussed how we desperately need to tell you about  crossing over from Jordan into Israel or going to Jericho or crossing into Palestine to get over to Bethlehem. We need to write these stories. They are necessary parts to this big puzzle.  However the rawness of those adventures, though incredible, are also still too fresh. I think I speak for both of us when I say that we had no way of knowing how visceral the political tensions would be and how we would react to them.  Time is always a healer and not that these experiences broke us down per se, but we both feel it is important to give perspective to these sensitive topics.

To clarify with out trying to write the whole story that I hope we will eventfully do,  crossing between  borders in this region is something of living history in the oldest and most emotionally charged area of the world.  We didn't cross together. They sent Anne and I separately with all of our luggage. It took 3 hours, 6 different security lines and hundreds of people. It was scary and frustrating and exhausting. Anne was a warrior. She put on an emotional armor and charged through. I saw before my eyes what happens when kids have to deal with more than they should. When maturity comes in the moment of necessity.  I could not have been more proud, and I needed her.

We didn't know where Tim was or when we would see him but he did finally show his face for a split second after 2.5 hours. Then he was gone. I was so relieved just to see him, through the sweat and the thousands of flies. I kid you not, you would think we had leprosy, the flies were horrific.

There is so much more to say. We are safe.  We are extremely grateful for our freedom.  We hope and pray that the future of this region will see peace.  Our hearts go out to all that are working towards that goal.

We had the privilege to meet a member of Banksy's crew in Palestine who helped create the amazing work Banksy has done on The Wall in Bethlehem.  Info on Banksy


We are now in Ankara Turkey.  It's cold and rainy here, we are loving it!  But yesterday could have been a new rendition of Alexander's Terrible Horrible No good Very Bad Day.  This time not for International Relations reasons but for the sheer fact that sometimes travel sucks.  Kuwait is "always sunny" except on days you want to fly to Turkey. We were fogged in for 5 hours. Our 7am flight was delayed and then cancelled. We were put in a different flight going to a different airport in Istanbul at noon. At that point we had missed our connecting flight and had no idea where our bags were being sent.

Upon arrival we waited in three lines and got boarding passes for a 3pm flight.  The ticket agents had no idea what happened.  After standing in line for almost 20 minutes a manager came out and asked questions and said " you are all in the wrong airport" Yes sir, we all were sent here to make your day bad. Not that all 100 of us haven't been inconvenienced....

By the time we made it to Ankara we were not surprised that our bags were lost.  We were not surprised that traffic was horrible or that the roads became tunnels taking us on detours lasting all too long. These things were bound to happen. We were not surprised that Anne was angry and frustrated  because we were too. But the icing on the cake was that the guy who sold us out Turkish SIM cards scammed us. We had no phones, no internet.

So, today after getting our bags this afternoon and getting our phones fixed we feel better. But the honeymoon is over.

Wadi Rum

After Petra we drove about two hours to the surreal Wadi Rum. Best known to Americans from the life of T.E. Lawrence and the movie about his life Lawrence of Arabia. If you have visited before you know that nothing I can say or any picture I can present will do justice to this incredible place.

I admit, I had been dubious. The pictures and movie made it seem like we were about to embark on difficult and undoubtedly uncomfortable (for my pregnant body) journey. Tim wanted to stay at the Bedouin Camp for 2 nights but I talked him down to 1 night.  After the fact I was sad to be  leaving. It was majestic.

Tim would likely do a better job describing the land formations, the history and cultural significance. But he told me to write this blog entry because of my awe. I was the one looking at them experiencing the wadi and seeing how spectacular it is to ride a camel or sled down the sand dune. Anne and Tim were true adventurers and I watched their eyes sparkle and their smiles and laughter grow as the sun moved across the canyon through out the afternoon into a sublime sunset.

The echoes. At the top of the sand dune prior to sliding down Anne and Tim sang and yelled and laughed into the canyon listening to their voices bounce back and forth.

The rock into sand. Any place there is rock you can make sand. The limestone is so soft that Anne was amazed that brushing your hands across the rock made sand right before her eyes. Its a rusty red mess but one that gave a lesson in erosion, land formation, and history all at once in a little girl's mind.

The vastness of the Wadi (canyon) was exhilarating. Our tour went from 12:30 until after 5 stopping only a handful of times. But the ride was so incredible, and the fact that Anne was standing in the back, with out a booster seat- or seat belt was its own novelty.

Anne commented several times about how hard it was to climb and run through the red sand. We took some time to look at Camel feet to figure out how they do it. The backward motion of the foot to get out of the sand and then step forward seems to humans inefficient. However, it does make it so that you stay on top of the sand instead of inadvertently digging yourself into the sand. My hiking boots are so light and comfortable but the mesh on top was a perfect sieve for the sand and I had to stop several times to empty out my boots.

Our Bedouin guide A'uud climbed most of the formations barefooted. He would run ahead of us and then surprise us by coming from a place that looked impossible to maneuver. A'uud took good care of Anne and she trusted him. He didn't let her fear the Wadi but love it and explore it like a true adventurer.

After the sun went down everyone at our camp (about 20 westerners and 10 or so Bedouin guides) gathered in the tent for tea, music and dancing. We all danced and laughed and enjoyed the freedom of life with out anything to do but enjoy the moment.  Anne played the drum. We all took turns dancing around the fire. The traditional food called Zerb (chicken and large root vegetables) dinner came after the dancing. We ate on the floor against the walls with pillows to lean on. I noticed that most of the Bedouins did not use silverware.

Anne was falling asleep as it was well into the night but we wanted to watch the stars and had to convince her she would see a shooting star if she could just stay awake for a little while longer. We sat on the sand dune behind the camp and saw millions of stars in the black night sky. We talked about the stars and the universe and felt that we were wrapped in the grace of what is simply beyond us. You can contemplate human purpose and the busyness of life during the light of day, but for us, in that moment, we just felt whole. No questions-at least not the kind with words-but pure awe.

Tim stayed out under the stars for a few hours while Anne and I went to bed in our goat hair tent. It was perfectly chilly and we were exhausted. When morning came the quiet was palpable. Just Anne's whisper seemed to bounce off the canyon walls. Anne was the only child we saw in the Wadi and she awoke before everyone but the camp cook. I don't think I had ever told her to be quiet so many times--when in reality she was just talking regularly but the stillness of the desert made it feel like she was amplified.

After breakfast Anne and Tim got on their camels and rode back to the village.

 I rode in the truck and waited for their return. I was melancholy. I had spent the last 19 hours physically uncomfortable and dirty but I felt so peaceful in the Wadi. Leaving Wadi Rum made me feel like we had been in a Tesser--a Wrinkle in Time.  I was Nabatean, Beduoin, Ottoman, Jordanian. And yet,  I was myself in manifestations beyond Time.